all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We have started to decorate penises.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
