just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
