Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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