3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
