I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
