New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
