about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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