but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
