im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
