So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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