You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
