If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just invented taco cereal.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
