I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well I just put wine in my tea
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
