highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
