yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
