hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
