I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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