On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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