if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
