I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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