Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
