I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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