So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
