he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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