mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
