I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
