I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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