Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
