You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
