i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
