i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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