On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
