Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
