He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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