i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
