i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
