oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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