I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
