I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I need a burrito and a hug.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
