you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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