eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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