It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
