In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
