If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
