you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
