The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
