When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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