i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
