I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
