so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
