I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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