you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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